Finding (And Losing) Your Tribe

Thanks to Taylor Swift, it seems like everyone has #squadgoals these days (and let's be honest, I would happily accept an invite to her squad!). The thing is, no one tells you just how hard it is to maintain your friendships in your late 20s. Or maybe no one has told me because no one else struggles with it, but I sure do.


The thing is, we are at a precarious age. The majority of my friends range in age from 25-30, which is a pivotal time in the lives of many. Gone are the days of freedom, sponteneity, and carelessness. These days, most of us are plagued with the responsibilities of a full-time job, mortgages that need to be paid, and in many cases, children. While I don't have children of my own, I am finding that most of my friends are now married with kids. Suddenly it takes four weeks to make a plan, schedule a date and find a babysitter, for the sake of one night out with friends. Now don't get me wrong, I am not blaming anyone for having kids! While it isn't on my to-do list, I realize that for most people, there is nothing more rewarding. I am simply saying that when your friends become parents, you will naturally see less of them in your life (unless you enjoy playdates!). I totally understand the reason why but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss when we were 21 and free to do whatever we wanted.

Beyond that, most of us have moved past the stage where we want to go out partying every weekend. It seems that the older we get, the happier we are to plop ourselves in front of the TV and binge-watch Netflix. It's a lot easier to stay in in your PJs than it is to make yourself look presentable to go out. Combine that with differing schedules (for example, I work every second weekend, whereas most of my friends work Monday-Friday) and it can be hard to even find the time to schedule a plan.


I'm not really sure where I am going with this post, except that I felt like I used to have a tribe of close friends (even with kids!) that I could count on to be there, and now it feels like I don't have that anymore. Everyone is busy and life has gotten in the way, and that makes me sad. It's hard to meet new people in this town because it's so tiny, which means that you basically know everyone already and there are limited opportunities to meet like-minded people. Not going to lie, the idea of packing up and moving someplace new has crossed my mind many times! It doesn't help that my two "best" friends live far away - one on the other side of Canada, the other on the other side of the world in Australia.  However, I am thankful for the friends that I do have and in many cases, I know that even if we go two months without seeing each other, they are still there for me. I only wish that I could physically spend more time with them! I'm also thankful for the new friendships that we have made, especially our tenants-turned-friends who are always up for an adventure with us.

In conclusion, I miss you. All of you guys. Everyone who once made up my close group of friends. And I just want you to know that.

Does anyone else struggle with this? 

8 comments

  1. I can definitely relate. And I miss you too!

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    1. You were one of the very original "tribe" members! Back in the good ol' days! ;)

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  2. This is a very true post
    Having kids and fitting in time with your own friends is very hard. Especially when there is a babysitter struggle. After all wk one is exhausted when it's time for a night out

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    1. I feel too exhausted for a night out lots of times and I don't even have kids, so I can only imagine how you must feel! Speaking of, I still haven't been down to visit!

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  3. I live away and would love nothing more then to move back home! I have lived in my current location for a year and would not be able to pick out my next door neighbour in a line up. The grass isn't always greener! I have no friends, no family and no relatable culture. Hang on to the people you have and treasure those adventures! There is NO place like home! and the best place to call home is the h'island ;)

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    1. Aw, thanks for the comment Melanie! As much as I would like to get away sometimes, I wonder if I would feel the same way if I left. Hope you can come back home soon!

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  4. Woof, YES, I definitely relate - especially after moving this past March. I'm slowly starting to make friends, and (thankfully) have a social workplace that's helped. But I miss my running buddies and my wine ladies so much. <3

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    1. It's so hard to make friends as adults! Glad you have found some new friends through your work - hopefully some of them will enjoy running and wine as well! ;)

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